Let me ask you something: Do you have a traditional marriage? What does yours look like? If your marriage differs from mine, is it any less of a traditional marriage? 

Do you call your husband "Master?" Do you call him "Sir?" Do you and your spouse practice domestic discipline? Do you, as a woman, work outside of the home? Do you do all of the household chores? Do you wear skirts and dresses? Is your husband older than you? Is he younger? Does any of this really matter? Some would say a hearty, "Yes." However, I would venture to say, "No." 

Let me put it to you another way. In the following scenario, which woman is the traditional wife? Is she the wife whose marriage does not include domestic discipline? What if she has three children from previous, non-marital relationships? What if she works outside of the home to help support her family? What if she is ten years older than her husband? Yet, this wife willingly and lovingly submits to her spouse. Or, is the traditional wife the one who does not work outside of the home, serves her husband, attempts to conform her will to his in all things, and submits to discipline regularly? The answer is, both.


The first wife is my beloved sister-in-law, my brother's bride. The other is myself. We may have different expressions of traditional marriage, but we sisters are both traditional wives.

One of the most beautiful aspects of traditional marriage I have found is that it is not one-size-fits-all. Many cultures and religions might have their own take on what this relationship dynamic means, or what it looks like. Yet, I think at the very foundation, a traditional marriage can be defined in the following way: It is the union between one man and one woman, with the male being the leader of the relationship. That is it. Simple, no? Does it surprise you? 

Yes, I am a traditional wife. I am just one of many. And, my marriage may not look like yours.

What does my marriage look like? Well, my Husband and I practice domestic discipline within a Catholic framework. To us, this means that he is the unquestioned leader in our home and I am required to obey him in the same capacity as I would obey God. Any disobedience is direct disobedience to God. All paternity and all authority comes from Him. My Husband is my Superior in the same way that a monk or a nun would be subject to their Superior: he is the Voice of God in my life. We are not equals in our marriage, but we are complimentary. Marriage is a holy vocation. With it comes roles and responsibilities. Each is unique and beautiful.

According to my Husband's preferences, I am not allowed to work outside of the home. I do, however, have outside hobbies and interests which I love to take part in. I am required to wear skirts and modest tops during the day. The only exception is that, when I work out, I wear long workout pants. (I would not even do this, but finding a long "workout skirt" has been challenging!) My hair is to be kept at waist-length. I even wear a headband as a sort of nondescript head-covering. 

Nearly every day, my Husband sets out a list of tasks for me to complete. I try to the best of my ability to complete the majority of things before his return home. When my Husband does arrive home from work each day, I greet him with a huge smile and a ready hug. Truly, I could not be more thrilled to see him! 


At dinner, I always serve my Husband first, giving him the larger and best portions of our meal. When we go out or walk together, I try to match my strides with those of my Husband, or fall slightly behind him. At restaurants, he orders for me. I try not to speak over him, and I try to keep silence when he interjects. In all of these things, they are done quietly.

My Husband often has me kneel before him. Yes, I do call him "Sir." At the very least, I am required to use this title after a direct question or command. Sometimes, within the context of a question. Once in a while, even the dreaded "M" word is required. Although the latter is difficult for me to say, I do believe it to be the reality between us. 

I am subject to my Husband in all things apart from sin, and, when I err (shamefully, I err often!), I am subjected to his complete correction. He may choose to slap me, lash my palms, spank me, whip me, flog me, wash my mouth out with soap, or subject my tongue to hot sauce. I may have to pray before him cruciform. To show my Husband my submission afterward, I may be required to kiss the hand that had slapped me, kiss his wedding ring, or kiss his feet. I may have to go about for a time with my wrists bound by a cord, with just enough slack to complete tasks. Sometimes, within the privacy of our own home, my Husband has me wear my collar-- a pretty red leather collar with a Celtic heart on it-- to teach me humility or obedience. There are many, many more things I could enumerate, but will not.

Nevertheless, does any of this make me any more of a traditional wife the first woman in the "Tale of Two Traditional Wives" scenario? No. My traditional marriage is simply different. And, you know what? That is alright! My marriage is exactly what I need for my soul's spiritual growth.  It fits perfectly with who I am. My marriage might not look like yours. It may not resemble anyone else's. Regardless, it is mine, and, to me, it is the most beautiful reality in the world! 

Whatever your traditional marriage may look like, enjoy it! Celebrate it! If you are fulfilled, then it is just right for you. Your marriage is yours; it is yours alone. And, it is beautiful. 


 


Comments

dee
30/04/2010 12:32

Hello
I consider myself a traditional wife, I am a mixture of you and your
sister-in-law. I have three children
from three different relationships
one of them an ex husband. My current husband and forever husband is younger
then I.We practice domestic discipline
it was my idea, because I wanted to be a better wife to him. Growing up in a non Christian household I didn't know how to be a submissive wife, and discipline seemed like the perfect thing to make my life the way the Lord wanted it. My husband is not very dominant with me and this is something that I am praying for, I need the security that comes with the rules and the correction. I long for it! Since we have started using domestic discipline our marriage has gotten so much stronger and I feel like we are really one.
I am a dress or skirts wearer and I have long hair, my man doesn't make me wear skirts or my hair long, I just do it because it sets me apart from my husband and sons. They treat me very much like a lady here. My youngest son is the most dominant personality of all my sons and my husband, he is going to be an exceptional husband one day. If I use foul language or sound like I am trying to be like a man he will verbally chastise me for it, he has even threatened to tell my husband. Sounds like he is not respectful but he is, he just thinks that I am too much of a lady to talk that way.
I could write so much more, thank you for this post

Reply
Traditional Wife
30/04/2010 20:15

Oh Dee,

I am so glad that you posted! You are a strong, brave woman for having seen the need for, and subsequently pursing, a traditional marriage. :-)

I think that many women make the mistake of believing themselves to be too far removed from the "ideal woman" image in their head of what a traditional wife is supposed to look like. It discourages them from even taking that first step. What they fail to see, however, is that any woman can be a traditional wife if only she allows her inclinations to become reality. Indeed, there are many faces of traditional marriage. A "cultural" marriage does not necessarily equal a traditional one. Every relationship is different. There are different interests, different dynamics, different economic situations, etc. One does not have to be a 50's type of wife in a frilly apron to be a traditional wife.

My sister-in-law is one of the most beautiful women I have ever known! Nor could I have picked a better spouse for my brother-- she adores him, supports him, and submits to him with a fierce love that puts even my best intentions to shame. I feel so blessed to call her my sister, for she truly is the sister of my heart!

I understand your frustration with regard to your husband. Remember, though, being a submissive wife is an entire giving of yourself. A Christian wife ought to be meek, feminine, submissive, and obedient, not to get anything "out of it," but simply because it is right and just. You are doing very well, dear soul; and, if you remain constant, good fruit will grow. Even if they are slow to ripen, you can rest assured that God sees your efforts and is pleased. I would venture to say, though, that if you keep on your course, your marriage will become something truly beautiful for God-- one which is an inspiration for those around you, one which provides all the love and nourishment that your heart craves, and one which fulfills your very soul.

Just look at how far you have come! May it encourage you to continue to grow.

With love,

Traditional Wife

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dee
30/04/2010 22:18

I also believe that many woman have bought in to the lie that being equal to their husbands in everything is the way that they should live. I think that they are trapping themselves in a life that is basically a rat race. I have found that being a traditional wife frees me to be who God has made me to be, I don't have to be all things to all people, I am a child of God and a helpmeet to my husband
When I was a single mother I had to do it all and I couldn't stand it so when God called me to be submissive to my husband He freed me!!!!!!
I find your posts very inspiring, I don't know if I could live as submissive as you but I hope to get there.
thank you,
Dee

Reply
Traditional Wife
01/05/2010 00:41

Dee,

You sound so happy in your role as a traditional wife, and my heart is thrilled for you! You have learned the secret-- that true freedom exists within boundaries. :-)

Thank you for your kind words. It has taken a lot to get to this point, and I still have a long way to go! The funny thing is, I am just a normal person. If you saw me around town, you would probably never guess my marriage is what it is. I do not exactly fit the "oppressed woman" image. ;-)

I am, quite simply, who I am. Some days are better than others. At heart, though, I crave being taken in hand. I yearn for my Husband's control, and I do not think he could be dominant enough. This has actually been a source of frustration in the past. Someone I admire very much once made an amazing point on this subject, though. They said, essentially: Do not give so much thought to what you would like to do. Do not think, "How can I be an even better, more wonderful submissive wife?" and just end up being prideful and bratty. Instead, live each moment in such a way as to be perfectly obedient in what you do. Do what you are given to the best of your ability.

Sacred Scripture tells us. "He that is faithful in that which is least, is faithful also in that which is greater: and he that is unjust in that which is little, is unjust also in that which is greater." (Luke 16:10; Douay-Rheims)

Blessed Mother Theresa of Calcutta, too, once said, "Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies."

And so, I will pass this wisdom on to you: Do not compare yourself to another wife, dear heart. It is alright to be inspired by someone else's example, but you must recognise that you are a beautiful, unique person. Only you can be you. Be the woman God intended for you to be. Do what you can, in every moment, to the best of your ability. See every task, every situation, and every trial that God gives you as an opportunity to obey Him perfectly.

These are the baby steps we must all take. They are the small steps that are actually giant leaps.

With love,

Traditional Wife

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08/07/2010 22:59

I know you will probably not approve my comment, but I hope you at least accept my point of view. I firmly believe in people's freedom to live their life, but this is the most ridiculous thing I have seen in my life. While it is true that in "traditional" marriage women used to be the property of men, that is considered immoral and illegal today. Regardless of your religious beliefs, nobody has the right to treat you with such disrespect. You claim to have a loving, trusting relaionship with your husband, but what is so loving about a man who isolates and controls your life? I've worked with domestic violence victims and seen many cass like this. Behavior under the cover of being Godly "discipline" quickly escalates to full abuse. As a worried reader, I'm asking you to leave your relationship before you are harmed sexually, physically or emotionally. There are many ways to serve God and amend for sins besides being hit by one's spouse. Please, at least consider my advice before. Lits too late.
Best regards,
Jessica

Reply
Traditional Wife
09/07/2010 01:03

Hello!

Thank you for your comment. I do not mind differing points of view or opinions, so of course I will approve your post. :-)

We human beings are all different. Our differences make us unique, and I think that this ought to be celebrated in the truest form of diversity.

Perhaps it might seem strange that in today's era, a woman would wish to be in the sort of marriage that I am in; but, to be completely honest with you, my relationship fulfills me in a way that a "50-50" partnership would not. The truth is, I see marriage as actually being "100-100," with both parties giving their all to each other. My marriage may have a different relationship dynamic than other people's, but that is alright. I am a traditional sort of person in general. It is simply who I am. I have found happiness, contentment, and true joy in being a traditional wife. My life has been changed for the better because of it.

I was not happy when I lived as you advocate for. You ask me to consider leaving my marriage. I did for a time. It did not bring any sense of self or contentment. It brought pain and ruin to my life.

Yes, there are religious and theological reasons why I behave as I do, but the truth is that I am most happy as I am. I do not think that all people must live as I do. There are certainly healthy, fulfilling marriages that do not incorporate a D/s dynamic or domestic discipline. I think that, perhaps, my version of marriage is a sort of spirituality. Just as the Church has its Franciscan, Jesuit, Augustinian, Carthusian, and Capuchin orders--and each is a beautiful, different expression of the same faith-- so is my relationship. My marriage's dynamic is just as valid as anyone else's, but it is different.

I thank you again for your comment, and I truly wish you all the best of happiness and fulfillment in your own life. :-)

Sincerely,

Traditional Wife

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Chiara
01/03/2011 01:58

I want to be you.

Reply
Kayleigh
08/11/2011 22:00

I want to strive to be the best wife that I can to my gorgeous husband!! We have never had the " chat" that I should be submissive but it seems to be happening naturally!! When we first got together my husband said he would have some rules!! And although he didn't stand there with a list of dos and donts for me I knew then that he would be in charge- I would be his wife and I would do as I am told!! My husband likes me to have long hair and although he hasn't forbidden me to have it cut the very fact that I know he likes me to have it long makes me want to keep it that way!! Another example is I know he likes me to wear a skirt, stockings and suspenders and whilst he has never ordered me to wear a skirt always - the only time I wear trousers is when I am at work ( because it is compulsory) My mission in life is to be the very best I can be for my husband - I am happy to say that I have never refused him sex in all the time we been together! He knows that he can have it whenever he wants it! There are a number of requests he has for me in the bedroom and I ALWAYS fulfil them to the end till he is fully satisfied!!! I know I am not fully submissive yet but I strive for it - my husband allows me to work part time (I really enjoy my work) and my husband knows it) recently I have come home late a couple of times and my husband has TOLD ME if I come home late again He will force me to finish work for good!! I am not allowed to take advantage! The rest of the time he likes me to be home with him - keeping a nice tidy clean home!!! So I know he will punish me when needed- however he see fit!! not always physical it hasn't been often that my husband has punished me but another example is when I stated my body wasn't beautiful he spanked me with his bare hand a number of times!! I know I have a way to go to be fully submissive!! But I am trying any help or advice would be greatly appreciated thankyou Kayleigh x

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Iryna
20/04/2012 03:51

I am a very traditional wife and enjoy it very much. It has taken me years of training but I have got there. I am a housewife, wear only skirts and dresses with aprons when doing house work. I always wear an underbust corset, bra and stockings. All skirts and dresses are to be knee length. I love the feeling of control. Everything I do is now controlled. I have changed a lot as person. These days I am ladly like, never raise my voice, maintain good posture and no longer go out partying with the girls. Now my life is spent being a lady and wife and I am very happy. Gone are the days of wearing jeans, getting drunk and swearing. I wish more women woud go back to being ladies. My husband is my first priortiy. If I go out with the girls, it's only sometimes, with his permission and only during the day. At night I will onky go out with him. I take great pride in my home and my appearance as well as my overall demeanor. One rule my husband has set out for me is no slouching! He likes to see me standing and sitting properly. It may seem extreme but this feeling of control makes me very happy. My husband loves having a controlled wife. Of course we practice domestic discipline as well. My husband uses a cane when required. Whenever he decides to provide correction, I must remain still and silent and accept each cane graciously. I love being feminine and obedient and would not live any other way!

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Jazmín
11/05/2012 09:09

Well, first of all I want to let you know that I deeply admire you and respect the way you live your marriage. You are an example of how we women should be: submissive.

But that does not mean that the man shouldn't be submissive too, for the Bible says that everyone is to submit to others.

Well, to be honest, while I admire you for your strength of character for being in such a relationship, I think submission is not supposed to be something as drastic as that.

I think submission means an ATTITUDE of humbly cooperation, not that our husbands (well, I'm 18 and I only have a boyfriend but we want to get married) should have any rights over our will or should rule us. What's this? A marriage of love and teamwork or a home military training center of sorts?

I've talked with my boyfriend about this and we both have decided that we are going to submit to each other, without any of us "taking the lead position". We think that our relationship will work much better if instead of someone being the leader, we do what we are better at. Again, why should he rule over me? He even thinks it's ridiculous. This is a romantic relationship.

About that "punishments" thing, I find it.. interesting. I certainly would like to be disciplined, but that's if I'm OK with it and I actually ask him to do it. But it's not like he has any right to do that just because he'a a guy. Even he knows I'd "discipline" him at times, but no physical abuse - this is 2012. We are civilised people now. Things change of both parties are OK with that, but still, I find that a little.. Too much.

Anyway, we don't give it too much thought. We are happy being independent but tied at the same time. I give him his space, he gives me mine. I am the girl I am, the one he fell in love with. Not who he wants me to be, and the other way around.

Finally, I admire you for being so loving and submissive to him. Because although everyone shows their submission in different ways (I already said what I think of it), you are an example and a role model for us future wives. We wives must submit. As husbands must, too.

Though I don't really agree with a good part of what you wrote, or I think a bit differently, I want to thank you for teaching me how to be a better woman, and a better wife. x3

Love!

Jazz

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