"I have cried to the, O Lord, hear me: hearken to my voice, when I cry to thee. Let my prayer be directed as incense in thy sight; the lifting up of my hands, as evening sacrifice. Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth: and a door round about my lips. Incline not my heart to evil words; to make excuses in sins... The just shall correct me in mercy, and shall reprove me." (Psalm 140: 1-3;5 Douay Rheims Version... For Protestants, this is Ps 141:1-3;5.)
My heart is very heavy right now. I just found out that my Great Uncle passed away, and while we were not particularly close, his death has deeply impacted me. I worry about his soul, and I wonder if I could have been a better witness to him during his life. I am more firmly resolved, now more than ever, to live a life worthy of the calling of Christ. I desire to take every opportunity to fulfill the demands of Holy Obedience from all proper authority in my life, so that, at the end of my life, I might hear the blessed words of the Father, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Last week, while some progress was made, I still failed so often. *sigh* I was required to fulfill a particular act of penance-- giving a sign of reverence to my Husband-- every time I entered or left his presence. I firmly resolved to do this, I put this on the forefront of my mind, and yet somehow, there were still so many instances of slip-ups! I would use the phrase "over and over again" to describe what happened, because that's how I feel about my negligence, but in reality, and in looking back, the number of errors were probably around 10, and no more than 15. At first, I wanted to scream, because this really is so important to me, and I want so very much to fulfill the requirements perfectly! However, by the end, I learned to just go to my Husband on bended knee and ask for forgiveness, accepting the correction that he gave me. This was the right and proper thing to do, and hopefully, it sufficed as "second best" to perfect adherence. As the Psalmist so eloquently put it, I do not wish to make excuses for my sins, but rather, I am glad to accept the merciful correction and reprovement of the just.
Also, I've been called upon to be a "Titus 2" discipleship mentor of sorts to another wife. I'm really scared about this prospect, because I am so mindful of my own shortcomings. I also worry that I'll say the wrong thing or that what I do say will come out all wrong... I want my words not to be my words, but those inspired by the Holy Ghost. Hence the Psalmist's prayer at the beginning of this article... these words are the cry of my heart, in so very many ways... :)
1 Comment
|
Archives
July 2015
|