My Husband and I are going home tomorrow... after 2 1/2 months of being away... we have been to Lebanon, Yale University for a conference, and then we spent a month with my Husband's parents, sisters, and our baby niece... all under one roof! It has been absolutely an AMAZING summer, but I cannot wait to get home and back to every day life!
To answer those who have been wondering, yes, I am in every way still committed to living a life of submission to God through the will of the Husband He has placed over me. Even more so, perhaps, now than ever! I gained a lot of insight and made a lot of spiritual progress whilst abroad, and I am excited to be bringing this back to my experience at home.
Let me be completely honest-- there was a very rough patch that my Husband and I experienced for a while recently. The issue was with me more than him. I was feeling very dissatisfied with our relationship... This was in great part due to my progressive good behavior and his subsequent "going easy" on me. To be clear, it was still my intention to be a good, obedient wife. And I was, save for a slip up here and there. I do not believe in behaving in a "bratty" manner so as to attract discipline... That makes all of this a game instead of reality. But my heart was heavy. I just didn't feel that my Husband was dominant enough to match me.
I have to give my Husband credit, he spent large portions of his day entertaining our baby niece, getting her to be in a fit of giggles, playing with her, feeding her, changing her, and calming her down to the point where she would fall asleep on his broad shoulders. My Husband has officially earned the family title "Baby Whisperer." I have fallen in love with him all over again, on a new and significant level, for these precious qualities. And I know he will be the best daddy in the world... since he is already a wonderful "father" to our niece, his goddaughter... and he will likely be the only father figure she ever knows.
Nonetheless, I am a woman who needs firmness, even on days when I am especially good. And I was feeling a lack of compatibility. Finally, sensing a rift, my Husband and I sat down and had a heart-to-heart. I expressed my feelings-- I am becoming such a girlie girl, ugh! ;-) I expressed my need to feel his full authority and strictness. When he is this way, even in a gentle and quiet way, it brings about the best in who I am. I become more meek, more tender, more feminine. I think the depth of my need for him in this role clearly stunned him. He asked what my limits were, and after considering for a moment, I realized that I truly had none. I trust my Husband to know what I can and cannot handle, what I need, and how best to deliver it. I am firmly committed to living our my submission and obedience to him, not just the idea of it. And so my husband opened up and expressed that he has no greater desire than to do so, that he was merely being considerate of my growth, our visiting situation, while also trying to be mindful of the fact that this is traditionally a hard time of year for me (around my birthday).
Our conversation was life-changing... Now I am more fully secure in my belief that God brought the two of us together as Husband and Wife for a purpose. I fell asleep that night as the happiest woman in the world!
Lately, my Husband has been keeping me more fully accountable for my behavior and actions. While it is never my intention to misbehave-- it breaks my heart, because I have no desire to displease God or my Husband-- I am so glad that I have a leader who is fully committed to loving me with some "tough love."
I had never known what it felt like to feel a thrashing for several days after the fact until very recently... Unfortunately, my behind can absorb a lot of pain, and I have a high threshold! But after a little bout of misbehavior, there were crimson streaks across my bottom and upper thighs that were still present days later, when I looked at my reflection in the mirror! ;-)
My Husband has also been having me write lines from Sacred Scripture... and being every inch of the professor that he is, he is a real stickler for penmanship, spelling, punctuation (a comma had better be a comma, not a period or a semi-colon!), and scratch-outs! The assignment is due within a 3 day window and each mistake or scratch out is worth one slice of a rattan cane he picked up in Lebanon!
In a funny random God-moment, we went to Mass one Sunday and the lines I had been writing were none other than the Epistle being read... the lovely text from Ephesians 5! Those of you who are Catholic will probably remember this reading... and probably the uncomfortable reaction from all of the parishioners in the pews! I was holding our baby niece in my arms at the time... but my Husband and I looked at each other with a knowing glance and grins at the corners of our mouth. It was absolutely hilarious!
Well, it seems that I have written quite the epic novel here in this, my first post in quite some time! Please be assured that I will write again very soon-- my anticipated time is within the next week... If there is anything you would like to see brought up or talked about on this blog, please feel free to post suggestions! Your thoughts, comments, and ideas are always welcome!