The past month has been incredibly hectic-- In the last week and a half alone, my parents visited our new home, a photograph I took of the special low-gluten hosts I receive at Mass was requested to be published a lifestyle magazine for people with food sensitivities (in an article highlighting Catholic Coeliacs), and my Husband and I successfully completed a home safety inspection in the next step of the government-run adoption process. Our niece had her first sleep-over at our home. I finally fulfilled my dream of being able to go in to work with my Husband and pursue my own studies and tasks at the university's library. Last evening, we were blessed to attend a talk given by a woman who had worked alongside Mother Teresa in the slums of Calcutta. This weekend, my Husband will be serving at a Tridentine baptism. Next weekend, we will be visiting our beautiful goddaughter for her belated birthday. Busy, busy, busy!
Life has otherwise fallen into a routine. Mondays typically are my "cleaning blitz" days. The entire flat is cleaned from top to bottom. Any laundry that has amassed over the weekend is washed and put away. On Wednesday evenings, our parish has Latin Mass. My Husband helps to serve whichever priest is officiating, and afterward we enjoy fellowship with our friends. The weekends are largely spent with his family, taking our niece with us to accomplish errands, going to church with her on Sunday, and getting to sew and quilt with my mother-in-law.
I am a quiet person. Perhaps this will surprise you, since I can write epics if left unchecked, but it is true. The majority of my days are spent in silence. I would have been very happy as a contemplative hermit nun. ;-) I am not a phone person-- anyone who knows me can tell you this. I am also the world's worst texter. Someday, I keep telling myself, I will even set up voice-mail on my mobile phone. But that day will not be today. I have not turned on a television during the days in several years for my own entertainment, and only more recently did I learn how to work it in order to put on a children's Christian DVD for our niece. It is not that I am opposed to technology, for the computer is truly my weakness, but I prefer instead to spend time cleaning, baking, sewing, listening to music, reading, and playing with my cat.
If I were a holier person, I would include prayer to that list. It saddens me to think that I used to pray 15 decades of the Holy rosary in addition to other daily prayers, ever since coming back from the Middle East. All prayer has been difficult, though, since the tragic death of my cousin. Perhaps this is more a function of having fallen out of routine. Nevertheless, I find myself resisting.
My Husband and I live three blocks from a shrine. It is a lovely little stone parish with a bookshop and accessibility to both daily Holy Mass Sacramental Confession. It is run by an order of very friendly friars. I like the quiet sanctuary with its dim lighting, wooden pews, and flickering candles. The high-beamed ceiling makes me think of Noah's Ark. It feels warm and comforting to me, like a hug from God. Being in the presence of Christ in the Eucharist is also an amazing blessing.
Mother Teresa used to say, "God cannot fill what is already full." That is very true. I feel like a cracked clay vessel. Yet I have still been so full of self and busyness lately that, even in such a condition, the cup of my soul is already full. There is very little room for God. And so, I have made it my intention to visit my little stone church more often during the day, to kneel and simply bask in the silence. In that silence, I wish to empty of myself and to be filled with His Light.
Only then will God be able to work through me. Only then will I be able to go forth and touch the world with His love. For that is the purpose of my life-- to obey, to love, and to touch the lives of others for the sake of Christ.