The night I posted my last update, little did I know that my darling Husband was penning his own letter! Having obtained his permission-- and after making some minor adjustments for personal things, I wish to share it with you all... Hope you enjoy. :)
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I pray that this message finds you well. I am writing this evening to convey to you some very significant thoughts that have dwelled in my mind for some time now. Until recently, they were simply too complex to put into words. Moreover, had I been able to articulate these thoughts, the timing was not appropriate. I feel that now I am finally at a place where I can share this with you without any sorts of barriers.
Some time ago, you expressed to me a fear in your heart that my “dominant-side” was an act put on to please you. I cannot blame you, as my outward behavior at times may have given a different impression of who I am deep-down. That said, I cannot stress enough how much discipline, dominance, etc. are an integral part of who I am. It is just that you are first person with whom I am comfortable and willing to share it with fully.
Since I was a young boy, I was always dominant. To be clear, I don’t mean bossy – I had friends and nemeses who were bossy, but not I – I mean dominant. Without any instigation on my part, I always seemed to “end up” as the leader. It wasn’t until later that I fully understood and embraced this inclination.
As early as Nursery School, my views regarding male-female roles was already firm. I didn’t just slap the bottoms of girls in class for fun. Even as a child, I had a deep sense of justification in that action and, moreover, I was convinced of its effectiveness for girl on the receiving end.
To be clear, I wasn’t just a cute little five year-old who slaps a girl’s butt on a fluke. I repeated the action again in Junior School. Again, I was unrepentant, and was given detention... Throughout the rest of my time until Secondary School, I stood staunchly by my guns on this issue and got detention frequently for being “chauvinistic.”
Sadly, once I got to Secondary School, I began to suppress this side of me because, frankly, no woman would date me [if they knew]... Being a dominant seemed to be a liability on the list that I couldn’t afford to shine forth. The funny thing is that, despite trying to play it down, it always rose to the fore and led me to put so many of my female classmates “in their place.” Many guys gave me credit for doing this, but the liberal girls of __________ didn’t.
When I returned to the faith and started looking for an authentic Catholic woman... I was forced to specify what exactly I thought. At first, I was very demanding, and though I didn’t mention spanking/discipline per se, it was something in the back of my mind. When few women seemed to fit the bill, I began to lower my standards. While this got a few bites, I realized that it just wasn’t me. I ended up back at square one, but I was confident that if I was indeed following God’s Will, it would work out. And then, I met you.
I remember when you first talked about DD to me. It shocked me – not in a bad way, but in a good way. I have to admit, it caught me off-guard and I wasn’t sure if you were trying to get me to say my “backward beliefs” so as to rule me out. I knew that I had to be honest, as no true, lasting relationship could be built on anything lest. Much to my (pleasant) surprise, you revealed to me your belief in it. I was positively ecstatic, so much so that I ran to the department the next day and talked about this wonderful woman... day-in, day-out.
As our relationship grew, you introduced me to many sites; the most significant of which was Mr. LDD’s site. This was amazing to me... Though he is not perfect and advocates some practices that I do not agree with (nor does the Church), that site opened my mind up and was truly liberating. I felt like I finally found a place where I could safely express the “real me.”
You know what they say: easier said than done. It was so crazy, during the early days of our marriage, to actually be me. I shouldn’t have felt uncomfortable in my own skin, but I was. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you – I did – but, rather, something was holding back.
Layers began to melt, beginning with _________________ This allowed me to be myself and share that side of me with others. Over time, I grew more and more comfortable. Your enormous progress lately was the final step that my body needed to finally, once and for all, show this side of my completely.
__________, I am a dominant man. Yes... I am sweet to you as my wife. These things, however, do not diminish my beliefs in any way. I truly believe in male dominance and want to put this into practice every day for the rest of our lives. While I will surely be sweet to you as well, I am finally in a place where I can be myself in a full sense – i.e., always dominant, but sweet at appropriate moments.
Your soul and its destiny are the most important thing in the world to me. I will not allow pride, willfulness, and their derivatives to get in the way of your precious soul’s salvation. As I have said before (and your spiritual director agrees), you have so many gifts and could be a great saint. Like great saints before you, though, you must be guided and disciplined as necessary.
I want you to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I, _______ ________ __________, do solemnly vow to you that I will give you unceasing and unwavering leadership for the rest of your life. No matter what the circumstance, I will vacillate no longer in the face of the forces that stand in your path to sainthood. With a loving firmness, I will always guide you through the forest that is this journey. When the road appears laden with debris, I will clear the path and, as God’s faithful servant, will lead you to Him.
My dear lady, I will no longer shirk my duties out of fear or out of a desire to be liked as the “nice guy.” While the latter might make things relatively pleasant for a time, it will make us both suffer tremendously in the long run.
I stand firm athwart the forces that stand between you and Heaven; this I pledge to you. Henceforth, I will never give up, I will never surrender, and I will never hesitate to give you a spanking or any kind of discipline, should I determine it necessary.
These things and my heart, I pledge to you.
Your Faithful, Loving, and Unwavering Leader,
_______ ______ [ My Husband's name]